My Letter to the World

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Please Read.

………

As long as I have you here, allow me a moment to express myself to the world.

I am not an American, but a citizen of the universe. I am not gay, straight, hispanic, black, white, asian, middle-eastern, christian, muslim, catholic, jewish, hindu, or buddhist. I am simply a member of the human race and, in my humble opinion, I have no need to be anything more or less.

Let me explain for those who seem to have forgotten what this word means or, at least, what it means to me.

To be human is not to hate or deny one’s self. To be human is to love beyond anything, to embrace every little thing that makes us different, and to remember that we are all given the gift of life, a gift that cannot be denied, we are all given the responsibility of choice, a responsibility that has been entrusted to each individual to do with as they like, and the peace of death in which we will all find ourselves embracing one day.

To all who seek to take away these gifts, these rights, and all of the freedoms that accompany them and to all who believe that they can limit or belittle their fellow-man, I beseech you. Throw away your hate and ignorance. Cast off your prejudice and preconceived notions. Forget the greed that blinds you from anything, but the want of power and control and makes you throw punches in the dark at the monsters of your own creation only to hit those most innocent.

Remember what you were taught in your youngest years: play nice, don’t hit, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all, share, look both ways before crossing the street, and treat others the way you want to be treated.

Looking around at the world today, I see that there is still much progress to be made. I do not mean a new version of a television or the next generation of cell phone. No, we must continue to explore and learn how we may become the best that the human kind can be. We must understand how we may be productive, kind, curious, imaginative,  engaging, inspiring, and able to treat others of this planet that we continue to share with respect. We must end this evolution into robots who think and look-alike and abhor the differences that make us living.

To those of you who feel that I am addressing you directly, let me be quite clear. I will not grant you the satisfaction of petty hate and anger towards you what you believe in. Not anymore. It is not your fault that you hunger for hate, crave power, and surrender to the ignorance that makes you believe that unnecessary hate you feel toward others is reasonable. It is the years of choices, rivalries, war, and greed evolving over and over again throughout our history that now it appears to almost be ingrained in our very nature to be this way. Know now that it is not. We were born to love or else we would not have been born a family: the family of humanity, the family of Earth, and the family of the universe. Every man, woman, child, and creature was born onto this Earth and within this universe with purpose and a reason and I can guarantee you that it is not your place to judge what is worthy of this privilege. You are not a God so please stop trying to gain control over the unique, independent minds of the population because, honestly, it is only leading to disappointment and an ultimate end.

I will not hate you, but that does not mean that I am not disappointed.

Now, as I find my thoughts winding down and my moment to share these thoughts coming to an end for the time being, humor me in my indulgence of these final words. I believe that we have the ability to do wondrous things, but it is how we use this ability that will serve as humanity’s true test of triumph. Each and every one of us has the opportunity to choose between intolerance and exception, war and peace, hate and love, ignorance, and knowledge. It is a choice that we must make for ourselves. Choose one  and it could lead to our destruction. Choose another and we may find ourselves in a world that is thriving more than it ever has.

Finally, know this, I will never be silenced. I trust that humanity is too filled with curiosity and hope that it will not lend an ear. These words will continue to echo throughout time and space because words are the most powerful of weapons. Even when you think they have died, another will come along to dig them up and rediscover their potential. Be careful, words are just as strong as humanity itself. So listen to these words, then I invite all of those who have been silenced to have the opportunity to speak and those who have done all of the talking to listen. We must all have a turn to speak our minds to the world and to be recognized for it, to be heard, to share our words.

This has been mine. Thank you.

Much love,

Hailey

Doodles on a Starbucks Cup

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I just wanted to share a really neat little story that happened to me in New York this weekend. It may seem simple and a little insignificant, but, for me, it means a lot.

It was a very cold day in New York, in the 20s all day. My dad and I had been walking around Time Square for most of the morning and early afternoon and by the time we came back to the hotel, we were both frozen. It didn’t take me long to be warm again and soon enough I was anxious to do something. Dad had told me that it was okay for me to go out and walk through the city by myself as long as I didn’t stray too far from the hotel since I would have to go to the airport in about an hour. After all, I’m 19.

I took the offer. So, here I am, the little Florida girl in New York by herself, midtown, with a few hours to kill and my first stop….CVS. I go in and buy tape to hopefully repair the handle to my suitcase (which didn’t work by the way) and a different kind of tape to put my ticket for How to Succeed in my new notebook. I leave, look around and thought “It’s cold. I’m alone. Now what?”

Then someone passed with a cup of Starbucks coffee. One word was going through my head in that moment: Starbucks. I scan where she came from and spotted the little corner location. I go in, order my usual tall chai tea latte and sit at one of the few available seats left.

I’m about to start drinking it when an idea came to me….I had a sharpie in my purse. My creative juices flowing, I take out the marker and start on the little cardboard slip cover. In the corner of my eye, I notice a little girl, had to be about nine, who seems to be watching me with interest.

Soon, she asks me the question I could tell she was itching to ask “What are you drawing?”

I show her and she looks at it like it were something out of an art gallery or something. It wasn’t long before I was done with that and moved onto the actual cup.

“Is there something in that cup?”

“Yep.” I take a sip and cringe a little, maybe dramatizing it a bit for her enjoyment. “And it’s still too hot.”

She seemed to enjoy watching me doodle and before I knew it, her mom came over with there drinks.

“Look at what she’s doing, mommy!” God bless her mother for not thinking me creeper and actually thinking I had artistic talent.

The three of us continued our conversation. Here are some bits and pieces I remember clearly.

…..

Girl: “What are you going to do with it when you’re done?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

…..

Mother: “Are you an art student or something?”

Me: “Nope, I do more writing actually.”

…..

Girl: “You should draw a butterfly.”

Me: “Ya think?”

Girl: “Under the little clouds.”

…..

They were going to see a play show so obviously How to Succeed came up.

Girl: “We’re going to see it with one of the Jonas brothers.”

Me: “Which one?” Like I didn’t know.

Mother: “Nick Jonas.”

Girl: “I like Joe more, but Nick is okay.”

Me: “Yeah, he tends to do more theater stuff.”

…..

She had a Glee cap!

Me: “I see you like Glee.”

Girl: “Yeah.”

Me: “Who’s your favorite?”

Girl: “Lea…Michele, Rachel.”

Me: “I like her too.”

Girl: “Mom likes her because she sings Barbara Streisand.”

…..

As they were getting ready to leave for the performance, I was kind of sad that this little moment had to end. I thought of how happy it was and all over these little doodles. I look down at my cup and another idea came to me. I took of the little cardboard holder she had first seen me draw on, held it out to her and her mother, and said “Enjoy the show.”

Her mother took it, put in her bag, and thanked me kindly. As they were leaving, I could hear the little girl insisting on using it for their own drinks.

Once they were gone, I looked back down at my cup and remembered showing it off to the girl.

“Do you know what that is,” I asked, pointing to the little skyline at the bottom as if the title at the bottom didn’t give it away.

“New York,” she said. “And the sun,” pointing to the logo.

“Clouds,” I said, twisting the cup around a little. “And…a rainbow!” I added the little touch as I said it.

 

Throughout the conversation, I had heard the mother call the girl Jazzy. After they left, I drew a little trumpet, music notes, and the word “Jazz” before signing and dating it, so I wouldn’t forget.

Then I went back to the counter, got another slip since it was still sort of hot, and decorated that one too before I left to go back to the hotel.

In that little span of time, I realized how amazing it was to make that little girl smile and to share my creativity with her. I like to think that I made her day special even if it was just a little because I know that she did it to mine.

I showed my masterpiece to my dad and told him the story, but not in as much detail as this.

“Well, you must have been really bored,” he said.

I took pictures of the cup and kept the cardboard slip. That experience with the little girl named Jazzy and the coffee cup might have been just as special as getting to see Darren the night before, at least, to me.

That’s because…Darren made me smile with his childlike enthusiasm and energy and,without being famous, I did the same thing for that little girl.

And that means everything to me.

Inspiration

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A poem for you all! Enjoy!

Much love,

Hailey

 

 

I was struck by inspiration once,

One night, not long ago.

Of a person who believed so strongly

In themself and the world around them.

And who inspired all they met.

And over time something happened,

A development of sorts ,

That I could not comprehend.

You see, the world around me shifted,

Became clearer every day,

And all grew bright within me

Until one morning I understood.

That morning, that fateful morning,

I stood before the smooth glass

And saw the person from that thought,

From that small drop of awakening,

And I discovered that the person

Was never far away at all

Because all along it seems

That inspiration was me.

 

Special New Year Treat: Jane Doe

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So, I’m still not 100% sure about where I want this blog to go, but you’ll know when you start seeing more posts. However, I didn’t want to leave those of you who actually read my blog without something to read for the new year SO I have a special treat for you all. I have recently entered a competition for Seventeen Magazine for a 500 word short story. I call it Jane Doe, the story of a girl who escapes the world she’s been trained to live in. Hope you enjoy it and wish me luck!

Happy new year!

-Hailey

………

My name is Jane Doe. I was created to kill, but refused to. I was more than anyone could have imagined.

My life began when big men in black suits dragged me out of my high school by the collar.  They threw me into their dark vans before driving me to places unknown.  After that, my former life ceased to exist.

I gained a new identity and became the ideal assassin: brilliant, beautiful, strong, and innocent.  I trained to fight, strategize, and kill with anything. All that time, however, I felt off about this new life.

When they thought me ready, the men in suits called me out with others in my training group for our final trial: lethal combat.

Before us were eight prisoners, sentenced for execution and ready to fight. I was at the end of the line.  Seven times I watched my comrades strike down their opponents, some were quick while others were slow and agonizing.  Each death weakened my resolve to kill, despite being trained otherwise.  Finally, it was my turn.

My opponent was a man with a snake tattoo along the left of his face and greasy black hair slicked back.  He wore a blood stained t-shirt and torn up jeans pulled down low to reveal  black boxers. Nearly twice my size, he looked confident about my petite stature and his chances of success.

“Bring it, Princess,” he said with a slimy smirk.

It was too easy.

He threw a punch and I grabbed hold of his wrist.  Twisting it back, he crumbled to the ground.  I pull it a little higher and he’s whimpering. I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck, cutting off his air supply.  A few minutes and he would be dead.

I glanced around to see smiles of satisfaction.  A hundred-ten pound, teenage girl was about to kill a two hundred pound man with her bare hands. In the back of my head, it felt all wrong…it felt like a lie.

The man was unconscious now. I threw his limp form aside…still alive.

With one last glance I ran out of the arena, never looking back. My feet took me farther into the tunnels of the training facility than ever before. Soon, red lights and wailing sirens went wild around me.

I spotted a window in the distance and ran to it, only to feel pain shoot through my side. Stumbling slightly, I turned to my attacker. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I stared down the barrel of the gun. My back pressed against the glass and I looked to see the long fall awaiting me to a lake below.

Another shot rang out, hitting the glass this time. I closed my eyes and leaned back. I felt myself slip off the windowsill. The air whistled past my ears as I fell followed by the feeling of hitting the water.

Swimming to the surface, I looked up at the grey building that was my prison. Finally, I was free.

 

So You Might Have Noticed

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So, you might have noticed that I haven’t been posting much the last couple weeks. Well, being a college student means….a lot of work coming your way. So, I unfortunately haven’t been able to come on much. Also, I’m planning on redoing how I’ve write my post and articles and come up with a more defined theme. Not sure how that’s going to go, but I’ll figure it.

Anyways, hope you have a very happy holiday season and, if I don’t post more until then, I’ll see you in the new year.

Much Love,

Hailey

The Mystery of the Marshall Hotel

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A special treat for all of you readers in honor of the holiday weekend! A short story from last year when I was in Creative Writing in high school! Hope you enjoy it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Much love,

Hailey

…………………

Victoria Stone rested in her hotel room beside her snoring parents. She knew she should be sleeping, but her mind was buzzing with thoughts about the old Victorian building known as the Marshall hotel.

When her parents had told her where they were going for vacation she was hoping that it would be into the city or to the beach, but she couldn’t understand why they brought her here. The place was in the middle of nowhere the farthest thing from civilization that Victoria could imagine. There was no cell service, no internet, and no basic cable. Her parents actually expected her to communicate with the random strangers that were occupying the hotel. Victoria shuddered at the thought.

She was especially curious about the painting she had seen in the lobby when she got there. It was the painting of a girl, which would normally be boring to her, but this one was different. The girl looked just like her. They could have been twins. When Victoria asked the receptionist about it, he told her that it was a painting of the founder’s daughter who had disappeared years ago, Abigail Marshall. Legend has it that Abigail had disappeared in that very hotel.

Victoria didn’t believe him, but she thought that it was a cool story nonetheless.

She was startled out of her thoughts by a thump outside of her door. She sat there silently for a moment, thinking she was just hearing things, before hearing it again. Curiosity got the best of her as she got up from her bed, slipping her feet into a pair of fuzzy blue slippers. Quietly, she made her way to the door and snuck out of the room.

She looked up and down the hall, without seeing anything. Another thump came from her right and she followed the sound. When she turned the corner she found a strange door standing slightly ajar at the end of the hall and a weird-looking man walking to it.

“Excuse me,” she called out to him.

He paused and turned back to her, his face causing her to gasp. In the dim light, she could just see the scars that cut deeply across his face. Before she could get a better look at him, he retreated down the hall and disappeared behind the door.

“Wait!” She followed him through the door only to be met with a sight she didn’t expect to see.

Behind the door was a long, never-ending hallway of doors. Victoria took a few more steps into the hall, but was startled by a loud slam behind her. She spun around to see the door she had just walked through now shut  tight.

She walked back over to it and swung it open. Her turquoise eyes widened as she stared at a wide desert instead of the hotel she had just left. Looking back at the other doors, she was curious to find what else lied behind them.

With child like enthusiasm, Victoria began to open the doors and was greeted by wonders beyond her wildest dreams.  There were jungles filled with exotic creatures, grand ballrooms filled with beautiful people in masks, and elegant gardens with flowers Victoria had never seen before. There was a room that was filled to the brim with sweets and one that was stuffed with cute, little kittens.

Then, as Victoria opened the next, she was suddenly struck with awe. Behind that door was the house she had always dreamed of. She took a few hesitant steps inside, taking in her surroundings. She had walked into the living room with its soft brown couches, big stone fireplace, and knickknacks everywhere. There were huge glass windows making up the opposite wall that looked out onto the sea. A kitchen was just peeking around the corner as well as a small dining area that sat in front of a little window. It all felt warm and comforting to her.

She heard footsteps come down a small hall to her right and heard a deep, masculine voice.

“Honey, is that you,” it asked.

Victoria gasped as a tall man came walking into the living room. It was as if the world went into every single one of her dreams and created the perfect man. He had dark, messy hair and she could tell that he had deep brown eyes that she could get lost in. He looked strong and confident and when he looked at her, his whole face lit up like the summer sun.

He walked up to her and wrapped his arms securely around her waist.

“I was wondering where had run off to,” he said as he leaned in closer until his lips gently touched hers in a sweet kiss. She closed her eyes and responded immediately, not really understanding where the action was coming from. When they broke apart, Victoria looked up into his eyes and felt something bubble up to her lips that she had not felt since she was a little girl.

“Darren,” she asked.

He smirked and rested his forehead on hers. “I love you, Victoria,” he whispered.

Victoria’s head started to feel woozy and the room began to spin. Everything faded away around her except his eyes staring deep into hers. Her breath started to come in pants as she lost herself in the feeling of his hands wondering up and down her back. They swayed back and forth to unheard music while Darren continuously whispered her name in her ear.

“Victoria. Victoria. Victoria.”

She leaned forward, lured in by the sound of his voice, and looked deeper into his eyes, but she hesitated when she saw something strange in them. Down in the depths, she spied a black shadow billowing up to the surface. She pulled back and looked at his face fully to see his smirk grow into a wide, terrifying grin.

“Stay with me,” he spoke. “Stay with me…Abigail.”

Victoria gasped and tried to pull from his grasp, but he held strong. She continued to squirm as a terrible shadow engulfed the room with its darkness. Terrified of her surroundings, she started to hit and kick anything she could reach. All Darren did was laugh with his head thrown back in triumph.

Finally, she was able to wriggle out of his arms or maybe he let her go on purpose, she didn’t know. The only thing her mind could possibly comprehend has that she had to find her way out of that god forsaken place.

She ran out into the hallway and frantically tugged on the door closest to her. However, instead of the wonders that had once greeted her, there was only more of the shadow that leaked into the hall. She backed away slowly, nervously, before taking off in a run.

The doors slammed open as she ran past them, waves of shadow pouring out of them and filling the hallway at a rapid rate. Victoria just continued running, not daring to even look behind her. Her mind was racing with questions about what she should do. She couldn’t keep running forever. It wasn’t until she caught sight of the end of the hall that realized how true that statement was.

She turned around and saw that the shadow had completely overwhelmed the room. She had nowhere else to go, nothing else she could do. She was backed up against the wall. It wasn’t until her back hit the doorknob that she realized that it wasn’t just a wall. Closing her eyes tight, she grasped the knob in her fist and wished that this door would lead her out of this nightmare.

She turned and fell through, hearing the door slam shut after her. Slowly, she opened her eyes to find herself lying on the floor of the hotel hallway. She nervously took in her surroundings for any evidence of the nightmare she had just experienced, but found none. The only remnant of the hall of doors was the single door she had walked through standing innocently in front her.

Footsteps came from behind her and she flinched at the sound, being reminded of Darren immediately. With a glance over her shoulder she saw that it was the man she had followed through the door in the first place. He caught site of her on the floor and chuckled lightly at her, the movement cast eerie light on his scars.

“Didn’t expect that, did you sweetheart,” he laughed as he stepped around her and up the door. Victoria now noticed that the scared man was wearing the old, stained jumpsuit of a hotel janitor. She heard the jingling of keys that he pulled out of his pocket and used on  the door.

He turned back around, leaning against door, and staring at her.

 

“What…what was that place,” she stuttered. This made him laugh again.
“Oh, and child,” he said, interrupting her pondering. “The mind is a scary place. You might want to stay out in the real world before it’s too late. Wouldn’t want you loosing yourself like good little Abigail, now do we?” “You should know child. Use your imagination. Nightmares don’t come out of nowhere.” He pushed himself off the door and started down the hallway, leaving Victoria on the floor, wondering what he was talking about.She looked back at his retreating form and then back at the mysterious door in wonder.

“Good night,….Victoria.”

She didn’t see him or the door for the rest of the vacation.

A few days later, as her parents drove away from the old Victorian hotel, she couldn’t help, but wonder if all of it was even real. What was the mystery of the mystery behind the Marshall Hotel?

 

 

30 Days

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So, I know I haven’t been on in a while and I’m sorry about that, but I’ve been very, very busy. Right now though, I want YOUR help.

You see, I’ve recently come up with this story idea about a girl who dies in a car crash and is given 30 days to do everything she has always wanted to do in her life so she may die without regret. This is just a quick one-liner about what the story is about because I just started it.

This brings me to what I want to ask you all, my readers.

You were to die and be given the chance to come back to life and do everything you ever wanted to do in 30 days, would take it? And if you did, what would you do?

Feel free to leave your responses in the comments below and I can’t wait to see what you all would say. Have fun!

Hopefully, this will the start of more stories on my blog and more pictures! :) Until next post, comment, Comment, COMMENT!

Much love,

Hailey

PS: Listen to the song that sparked my idea to spark your’s if you’re in need of some inspiration: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erJNDuhM5Lc

You Are More

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New Poem! Enjoy!

Much love,

Hailey.

……..

You are more than you think.

The sky is not your limit,

That is too small for you.

You can reach the stars

And the place beyond those stars

And the place beyond that

Until there is nothing, but space

Where all that exists is your true essence.

You are more than the place you grew

Or the way you appear to the eye.

You are more than what others

Assume you to be.

You are so much more

Than anything you could possibly imagine.

So, follow that self, that being,

Who is more than you are,

And when you finally think

That you have that great self

Grasped tightly in your hands,

Let it slip through your fingers

And chase it again

Because there is more to reach for.

There is always a place that is higher.

There is always a place that’s bigger.

There is always a place that’s more.

You can always be more.

You are more than you think.

You are more.

Greetings From The Office of Service Learning!

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I’m in the Office of Service Learning right now because I always come in to chat with Elliot about Glee after the episode airs, but he hasn’t watched the new episode so I’m watching him play Phase 10 (he’s not doing too well, although he wants me to tell you that he’s winning).

I know I haven’t posted anything in awhile and for that I’m sorry. I’ve been SUPER busy with Halloween stuff and all around school stuff. I actually went to Monster Ball which was huge college Halloween party thrown by Palmetto Productions (Student Activities) and got to go to Howl-O-Scream at Busch Gardens which was SO much fun. My friend Kara and I had Sunday Shenanigans and got Alton Brown’s autograph (Yay!).

I’m officially doing Nanowrimo which, if you don’t know, is National Novel Writing Month. I’m going to attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in 1 month. Wish me luck, but I’m so excited!

I’m getting ready to speak at Eckerd’s Colleges Against Cancer Kickoff for Relay for Life. Hopefully, all will go well. I have a bunch of stuff going on around campus as usual.

What else to talk about? Hmmmm……..

I’m not really sure. I’ll talk about some things later. I’ll figure it out. I really just wanted to post because I felt that I had been neglecting you readers. Until next time.

Much love,

Hailey Escobar

Flashback

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So, I’m went home for Eckerd’s fall recess this weekend and I found something very interesting. It was an old notebook and it had these two entries from earlier this year, when I was struggling with my depression. After reading over both entries, I decided to share them with you.

The first is dated 2/23/11 and is entitled “A Dark Place: A Truth”.

There’s a dark place. There’s a dark place in my mind, in myself. It’s made of ghosts and walls and funhouse mirrors. Everyone laughs…and I’m the clown. Certain things are expected and I meet those expectations. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t know how. I’m trapped by these walls, this cage, and this mask. I’m stuck. I’m stuck. I’m stuck. I’m scared of this dark place and yet I feel completely safe and comfortable. I wish for someone to save me and lead me away, but I’m too scared to say anything, for fear of laughter. I’m simply there as support and as entertainment. I’m nothing more or less. Am I supposed to be? Do I want to be? I think I do? I’m not sure anymore. I want the spotlight, but at the same time, I’m afraid of that. I’m afraid. I don’t know how to be brave. The only way I can escape, can be brave, is through my writing. No one judges me here. It’s the only place I can be myself. It’s the only place the mask can come off without everyone seeing. It’s just another story, another song, another poem. However, I hope no one sees the truth and, at the same time, I hope everyone sees. Read between the lines and you’ll see some truth and reality. It’s a call. So, I shrink away from the light and into the dark shadow of ink and lead and paper. I hide and no one sees. No one notices that the clown has left while they were watching other performers perform. There’s a dark place in my mind and in myself. There’s a dark place. I want someone to shine their light on me and see me, but I feel like no one ever will. Do I want them to? Why would they? This is why I make myself small, sweet, and quiet. They don’t usually have to worry. They don’t know about the dark place.

-Hailey Marie Escobar

The second entry was a reflection on “A Dark Place”. It was written the next day, 2/24/11, and didn’t have a title.

I’m rereading this entry and I realize that I’m completely disconnected from it. It’s not me anymore. It feels liberating. This…depressing moment was written during a really tough rehearsal. I was not feeling confident in myself. In fact, I felt like shit by the end of it.

However, I know now that I’m not afraid to share this dark, written place with other people. It’s a lot easier to show them rather than tell them especially since I’m not that great with expressing myself verbally at times.

I felt a lot better after writing this, although I still cried, but I felt better. It was easier to put a fake smile on my face ad pretend like everything was okay. I didn’t really want to bother everyone else with my little problems. I didn’t want to worry them.

Anyway, it’s funny looking back on my past thoughts. I can understand what I was thinking at the time, but I can’t help, but feel detatched from it. It makes me feel happier knowing I’ve left it behind, but also fearful for when it returns.

This second entry is something that I have felt everyday since I began the process of breaking out of my depression. It’s hard work trying to get better and gaining confidence in myself, but I know that in the end, it will be so much better.

In reference to the first entry when I wished that someone would shine their light on me, I’m now discovering that I don’t need someone else’s light. I have a light all my own and I’m trying to make it shine as bright as it can.

I hope you all found a little inspiration in this post. Until next time!

Much love,

Hailey